my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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