I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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