I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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