this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
