last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
pray to the hookup gods
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
