I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
