i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
