it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
