im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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