i just wanna soil my oats bro
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
