What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
