Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
