My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
