I must be too annoying 4 u.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
