we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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