I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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