omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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