RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Floor bacon is actually really good
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
