I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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