Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My liver just broke up with me...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
