I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
