You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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