Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
