She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
