yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
