you didnt know i had herpes?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
