ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
