Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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