Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
