I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
