My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Pants are for mortals
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
