If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
