The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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