you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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