My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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