i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude i'm inner monologue high
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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