What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize