I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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