the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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