Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
