i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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