So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
