fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
