God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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