we have pet lesbian snakes
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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