Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
