I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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