Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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