yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
