i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
