im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
