Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
