Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
