I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
