So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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