i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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