yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
