Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
