She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
