If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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