No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
