just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize