At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
