I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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