Your dad touched me again.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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