12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
