I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
