Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
